Episode 89 - Star Trek/X-Men (1996)

Once upon a time in the '60s, two cult properties arose that would command huge, obsessive fanbases for decades to come. Turn that 6 upside down, and they finally meet, at the height of the '90s speculator comics market, in 1996's highly improbable crossover Star Trek/X-Men!

What is Andrew's dark and extremely embarrassing history as a Trekie? Is it possible that the conceit of this crossover actually makes a certain amount of storytelling sense? How close did Ainsley come to having Worf for a dad?

PLUS! X-Men in July concludes as Anthony rebuilds X-Men: Apocalypse from the ground up, and Andrew announces who you the listeners picked to be his favorite X-Man!

Episode 88 - X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

We cap off X-Mens in July to check out the much maligned X-Men: Apocalypse! And also all the other movies happening inside X-Men: Apocalypse.

Would we automatically assume a super-powered being out of context was a god? Does destroying all nuclear weapons make Apocalypse history's greatest hero? Why are we doing Phoenix again immediately after that story having sunk your franchise (#RebootTheMuck) just two movies ago? Did we really need the Secret Origins of Xavier's baldness? Wait a second, what the good-god-damn are we doing at Auschwitz in this thing?

Plus: What happens when OH NO IT'S STRYKER NOW AND THE WRITE UP IS ABOUT X-MEN ORANGES WOLVERINE FOR A WHILE HEY WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HAVING NO MEMORIES ANYWAY BACK TO YOUR PODCAST NICE SEEING YOU you mix the grounded science fictiony fun of the X-Men series with Ivan Ooze from Power Rangers? Not much I guess!

Episode 87 - X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

X:Men superfan Mark Denine of Escape Quest is back to explain the intricacies of smashing two versions of a franchise together with 2014's Days of Future Past!

Why does this movie go though its entire plot twice? What happened to the Bannerman Park Peace-A-Chord? Would JFK had won the presidency if everyone knew he was a creepy mutant fishman? What the heck colour was that bottle of Johnny Walker?

Andrew still doesn't know who his favorite X-Men is, and time is running out, because if he doesn't find out in the present, all these much better actors playing Andrew in the future will be murdered by terminators! Help!

Episode 86 - X-Men: First Class (2011)

Megan Murphy returns to take us all to SCHOOL this week as X-Mens in July (Note: It's X-mas in July. X-Mans isn't a thing. - Anthony) continues!

How do Magneto's history of suffering and war and Xavier's life of privilege and study inform their conflicting philosophies about diversity? Why are we spending so much time focusing on Hank McCoy fondling a mannequin? How great would this have been if it was just X-Men: Oranges: Magneto with Michael Fassbender?  How great would it be to just stroke Michael Fassbender's hair for a while?

If we made a No Time for Heroics: First Class it would just be about us kicking around in university, introducing Andrew to his first microphone and Anthony discovering pro-wrestling for the first time, then someone just handing us a DVD of Condorman and going "oh, you don't KNOW?" It would be pretty lame, you guys.

Episode 85 - X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

It's X-Mas in July! And we're tackling one of the most maligned Marvel mutant movies mever made, X-Men: The Last Stand.

Would this movie have worked better if we had made the Dark Phoenix plot and the Mutant Cure plot two separate movies? Why is Angel in this movie at all? What the heck is "head canon"?

We're working on the next episode, but first I have to figure out how many other mutant uses there are for juicing children other than mind control like in the last movie or depowering like in this one. I guess amplifying powers?

Kid juice is pretty useful. These movies are gross.

Episode 81 - X2: X-Men United (2003)

There's Something About Wolverine!

We visit what Wizard Magazine called the "Best Superhero Movie of All Time" and figure out if we can find one mistake in that venerable publication's sterling history with X2: X-Men United!

Is everyone okay with this "I can kill the world with my brain" machine Xavier is just using as an overclocked peeping tom machine? Does this movie feature the first trans-character in a superhero film? Is the destructive power of world-ending supercomputer an apt metaphor for the breaking down of an imperfect society to better allow for marginalized minorities?  How horrible a history teacher would Wolverine have really made?

We actually love Wizard Magazine guys, so don't write us letters. We also love superpowered fiction as metaphorical social commentary, and this one might do it better than any of them! Tune in to listen to two cis-hetero-white guys talk about race, sex, and gender relations and discrimination has to do with X2!

Episode 49 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

We've got a special request to talk about X-Men Oranges Wolverine! So I guess that's what we're doing now.

Could we please have a movie where an actress of Lynn Collins caliber plays something more than a love interest who dies to motivate a dude? And oh man, Wolverine? Northwest Territories? Daniel Negreanu? Get ready for the most Canadian movie since Men with Brooms. Also get ready for more fakey French Canadian accents cause Gambit returns!

Spoilers? This movie has next to nothing to do with wolverines, which is disappointing as they're like totally badass out there in the woods. Oh well!

PS: It's our last full episode before our big 50th and also before we take a brief Summer vacation. Stay Tuned!

Episode 43 - X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse (1994)

It's game night at No Time for Heroics, and the guys are checking out Capcom's 1994 beat-em-up X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse for the Super Nintendo.

Shouldn't Apocalypse be in the game with his name on it? How pleasurable would a surprise encounter with the Brood on some cheery day be? Who's the treasurer of the Hellfire Club? Why is Gambit so... so cool you guys?

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut! But we did, I guess. Join us as we jump on the bandwagon and do our very first video game review!

Episode 40 - X-Men (2000)

We take on The Strangest Super-Heroes of All (tm) and check out one of the movies responsible for making the cinema comic-friendly, 2000's X-Men.

What do Canadians do for fun that isn't beating people to pulp in a cage? What does this movie have to say of the influence of the home video market on theatrical cinema? Is "naked" a valid character choice?

 To ME my X-Listeners! Oh wait, that sounds like ex- listeners. And we don't want that at all! For we just love you all so very much.

Episode 26 - Generation X (1996)

Someone figure out the secret of the ooze, because No Time for Heroics is diving face first into a pile of mutant madness with the very first X-Men movie!

No, not that one. This ain't yer snikty-bamf X-Men, okay? This is the grungy, angsty, you-don't-understand-me-dad teen X-Men featured in Fox's movie of the week 1996's Generation X!

Did Matt Frewer just eye Jim Carrey's career and say "Why not me?" Did the screenwriters just eye Jim Carrey in Batman Forever and say "Why not us?" Did Jim Carrey ever eye this scene where Jubilee has to strip to get a body scan and say "Why the hell is this scene happening?" Cause that's what we did.

Okay, this isn't the "first" X-Men movie, but it certainly has the seed of that idea. You might say, it was the... inception of an X-Men franchise. In fact you could say following up on this movie was a dream crime. Or that it was starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Except that last part.