Episode 93 - Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Well, you should just call us a bunch of little Brian Setzer Orchestras cause it looks like we're bringing back swing! Eh, that was a pretty belaboured metaphor. But not as belaboured as whatever's going on in the much-loathed Sam Raimi-headed goulash of a movie: Spider-Man 3.

How much of Sandman's sand can you replace and have him still be Sandman? Why the hell do we have an alien conveniently crashing right next to the only superhero in New York instead of using the previously established astronaut to go and get it? What is the secret of notable polymath James Franco? Are Manhattan subway tracks really built like the Temple of Doom minecarts? What does everyone in New York assume that this new evil dude who's showed up is also Spider-man, but Venom isn't?

There might be a good movie hidden under here! No really, like deep under here. And you've got to change a bunch. Also some light recasting. Look, we're trying to be on the bright side here, okay?

Episode 89 - Star Trek/X-Men (1996)

Once upon a time in the '60s, two cult properties arose that would command huge, obsessive fanbases for decades to come. Turn that 6 upside down, and they finally meet, at the height of the '90s speculator comics market, in 1996's highly improbable crossover Star Trek/X-Men!

What is Andrew's dark and extremely embarrassing history as a Trekie? Is it possible that the conceit of this crossover actually makes a certain amount of storytelling sense? How close did Ainsley come to having Worf for a dad?

PLUS! X-Men in July concludes as Anthony rebuilds X-Men: Apocalypse from the ground up, and Andrew announces who you the listeners picked to be his favorite X-Man!

Episode 88 - X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

We cap off X-Mens in July to check out the much maligned X-Men: Apocalypse! And also all the other movies happening inside X-Men: Apocalypse.

Would we automatically assume a super-powered being out of context was a god? Does destroying all nuclear weapons make Apocalypse history's greatest hero? Why are we doing Phoenix again immediately after that story having sunk your franchise (#RebootTheMuck) just two movies ago? Did we really need the Secret Origins of Xavier's baldness? Wait a second, what the good-god-damn are we doing at Auschwitz in this thing?

Plus: What happens when OH NO IT'S STRYKER NOW AND THE WRITE UP IS ABOUT X-MEN ORANGES WOLVERINE FOR A WHILE HEY WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HAVING NO MEMORIES ANYWAY BACK TO YOUR PODCAST NICE SEEING YOU you mix the grounded science fictiony fun of the X-Men series with Ivan Ooze from Power Rangers? Not much I guess!

Episode 87 - X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

X:Men superfan Mark Denine of Escape Quest is back to explain the intricacies of smashing two versions of a franchise together with 2014's Days of Future Past!

Why does this movie go though its entire plot twice? What happened to the Bannerman Park Peace-A-Chord? Would JFK had won the presidency if everyone knew he was a creepy mutant fishman? What the heck colour was that bottle of Johnny Walker?

Andrew still doesn't know who his favorite X-Men is, and time is running out, because if he doesn't find out in the present, all these much better actors playing Andrew in the future will be murdered by terminators! Help!

Episode 86 - X-Men: First Class (2011)

Megan Murphy returns to take us all to SCHOOL this week as X-Mens in July (Note: It's X-mas in July. X-Mans isn't a thing. - Anthony) continues!

How do Magneto's history of suffering and war and Xavier's life of privilege and study inform their conflicting philosophies about diversity? Why are we spending so much time focusing on Hank McCoy fondling a mannequin? How great would this have been if it was just X-Men: Oranges: Magneto with Michael Fassbender?  How great would it be to just stroke Michael Fassbender's hair for a while?

If we made a No Time for Heroics: First Class it would just be about us kicking around in university, introducing Andrew to his first microphone and Anthony discovering pro-wrestling for the first time, then someone just handing us a DVD of Condorman and going "oh, you don't KNOW?" It would be pretty lame, you guys.

Episode 85 - X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

It's X-Mas in July! And we're tackling one of the most maligned Marvel mutant movies mever made, X-Men: The Last Stand.

Would this movie have worked better if we had made the Dark Phoenix plot and the Mutant Cure plot two separate movies? Why is Angel in this movie at all? What the heck is "head canon"?

We're working on the next episode, but first I have to figure out how many other mutant uses there are for juicing children other than mind control like in the last movie or depowering like in this one. I guess amplifying powers?

Kid juice is pretty useful. These movies are gross.

Episode 81 - X2: X-Men United (2003)

There's Something About Wolverine!

We visit what Wizard Magazine called the "Best Superhero Movie of All Time" and figure out if we can find one mistake in that venerable publication's sterling history with X2: X-Men United!

Is everyone okay with this "I can kill the world with my brain" machine Xavier is just using as an overclocked peeping tom machine? Does this movie feature the first trans-character in a superhero film? Is the destructive power of world-ending supercomputer an apt metaphor for the breaking down of an imperfect society to better allow for marginalized minorities?  How horrible a history teacher would Wolverine have really made?

We actually love Wizard Magazine guys, so don't write us letters. We also love superpowered fiction as metaphorical social commentary, and this one might do it better than any of them! Tune in to listen to two cis-hetero-white guys talk about race, sex, and gender relations and discrimination has to do with X2!

Episode 77 - Supaidaman (1978)

Duck putties. Anyway, turns out 70's Japanese Spider-Man is a lot cooler than yours.

Did Power Rangers actually rip off the idea of giant robots from Spider-man? How much cooler would Spider-man be if he just screamed "I am an emissary of HELL!" before attacking people? Are all spiders this vindictive? Do spiders have nipples?

Recording this episode is full of gross discoveries and revelations, but the Supaidaman show is pretty great. Yeah yeah yeah WOW.

Episode 75 - Blade (1998)

Heading back to the beginning of the modern superhero movie era with the movie that probably deserves the most credit for that, 1998's Blade!

How did this movie manage to rip-off the Matrix two years before the Matrix came out? Have you ever been a kid trying to sneak into an R-rated movie only to get booted by an infamous bemulleted ticket-taker? What are the mechanics of the vampire reproductive system? And what of the scourge of Renfields infiltrating our police departments?

Why even bother trying to listen to this podcast, it's untranslatable, and- oh, what? it's been translated by a computer? And also a sexagenarian mechanic with a machine gun? Okay then. Party on.

Episode 73 - The Amazing Spider-Man (2013)

This summer we're getting a brand new rebooted Spider-Man, so we decided to all the way back to the beginning and visit the first time we got a brand new rebooted Spider-Man with 2013's The Amazing Spider-Man!

Does this movie have a more streamlined, dare we say, BETTER origin story than the original? Were Peter Parker's Mom and Dad open about being closet kinksters? Why was Anthony's high school constantly being 21 Jump Streeted by narcs?

How insecure does a movie have to be to tell you that it is amazing before you've even seen it? Still, it was nice to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man by making more Spider-Men. Classy.

Episode 64 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

NOVENGERS concludes with our reevaluation of the much maligned sequel to Marvel's The Avengers, the substantially more sensibly titled Avengers: Age of Ultron (Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire).

Is Age of Ultron an underrated, better put together movie than the better received first installment in this series? Has Stan Lee reached Stanception here by taking credit for Jack Kirby's war record as well as his comics? How often can you point out that the heroes are irresponsible city-destroying living disasters before we stop rooting for them? Does a SHIELD spy contract come with a starter family and farmhouse all inclusive?

PLUS! We rewrite half the movie to give it a facelift. Also, some weird sound stuff happens for a bit in the middle of this one, but not for long! Not even for as long as Quicksilver lasted in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Thanks Joss!

Episode 63 - The Avengers (2012)

This is it! One of the biggest, most ambitious superhero movies ever made, it changed the business and made "shared universe" the watchwords for green-eyed Hollywood producers for years to come. The epic finale of Novengers begins with The Avengers 2012!

Are the Chitauri the perennial alien-ex-machina of the Marvel universe? Which media mogul just called up a tv station he owned to order them to play nothing but 60s Spider-man all day? Who is the Wonder Woman of the Avengers? And exactly how much of this plot just had no reason for being other than looking cool or building to a good line? Not that we're complaining... okay, well, not that people who aren't named Anthony are complaining.

This movie might cut a little close to home, with a boorish, self-centered billionaire saving us all and beat the most heroic among us to the punch. Oops! All this and a special dispatch from our girl in the field, Jill Butler! Also Loki. Rawr.

Episode 62 - Captain America (1990)

Get ready for a huge steaming pile of Cap!

For part two of NOVENGERS, the crew takes on their most requested movie and checks out the infamous 1990 feature Captain America.

Is Cap a bad enough dude to rescue the President? Is Italian Red Skull spending his spare time tickling the ivories of a nuclear piano? And are we finally seeing a Marvel  Comics/ Condorman crossover!?

Happy Election day America! Let's hope you make the right decision at the polls and vote where it really counts: for No Time for Heroics on iTunes!

Episode 61 - Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998)

It's the first episode of NOVENGERS as all this month the crew checks out Avengersish movies leading up to our two-part Avengers/Avengers 2 spectacular! First up, this ain't not your daddy's Nick Fury with David Hasselhoff slipping into the eyepatch to give 'er a whirl for the 1998 tv movie Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD

Is there ever any reason to built a cryo-prison? How bad does Hasselhoff need to pee? Why do Ainsley and Anthony know so much about tree frogs?

Find out in part one of NOVENGERS!

Episode 55 - Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Look folks, your hosts are old, okay? They're from the twentieth century. They remember video tapes and also when it was a hip idea that Tony Stark was dating Shannon Elizabeth. But they're not as old as Norse mythology, so they're going to stand next to Thor: The Dark World in public just to seem young and with-it by comparison and see how that goes.

What's the scale of technological development on a world that has laser guns but still uses swords and ox-drawn carts? Why is Natalie Portman's character, a doctor of physics with three degrees, written to speak like a tweenish babywoman? And if you are investing a few billion dollars into twenty movies and five or six television series to build up to an epic story about the Infinity Stones, why the hell can't you get even the colour of the stones right!?

Anyway, enjoy this second foray into Thor, hey? Or else Andrew and Anthony have to commit Norse Seppuku.

PS: The amazing Ring Cycle comic we are talking about which we did not have at hand and subsequently forgot all the details of is The Ring of Nibelung by P. Craig Russell (and not Charles Vess. Sorry. But you should go check it out.

Episode 52 - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

Possibly a first in the history of podcasting, Andrew and Anthony get to take revenge on a fan for requesting a horrible movie this one time by forcing them to come on the show and watch that movie's sequel. Listener Meghan Murphy joins us to take on 2011's Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance!

 Would this movie have been better if the kid had been named Seamus O'Bullfighter? Is the moment when Ghost Rider turns a titanic industrial digger into a hell-machine the greatest moment in the history of cinema? And welcome to the show cave-dwelling, tattooed Christopher Lambert!

 PS: Don't look up that "first in the history of podcasting" thing from before, it's undoubtedly not true.

 PPS: The audio gets really screwed up for reasons unknown half way though. We're still trying to figure that one out. Though really we may have unintentionally replicated the experience of watching a Neveldine/Taylor movie, which is that it's really loud and kinda hard to follow, but if you do it's a pretty great time.

Episode 49 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

We've got a special request to talk about X-Men Oranges Wolverine! So I guess that's what we're doing now.

Could we please have a movie where an actress of Lynn Collins caliber plays something more than a love interest who dies to motivate a dude? And oh man, Wolverine? Northwest Territories? Daniel Negreanu? Get ready for the most Canadian movie since Men with Brooms. Also get ready for more fakey French Canadian accents cause Gambit returns!

Spoilers? This movie has next to nothing to do with wolverines, which is disappointing as they're like totally badass out there in the woods. Oh well!

PS: It's our last full episode before our big 50th and also before we take a brief Summer vacation. Stay Tuned!

Episode 44 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Get ready for some high stakes espionage action as Andrew and Anthony welcome back Pepper Pistolwhip, (in her disguise as mild mannered Jill Butler) to talk about Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Would you watch a movie about Cap just reading a book about Watergate going "Guys, wtf?"And just what the heck is a Winter Soldier? Is it like a Summer Soldier, just in the Cold War? So what's Spring Soldier, like a mattress or something? OMG guys, sleeper cells!

All this plus Andrew's wife Ainsley tries to remember what the heck happened in this movie based on one viewing a while ago. Spoilers: Black Widow was in it.

Episode 43 - X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse (1994)

It's game night at No Time for Heroics, and the guys are checking out Capcom's 1994 beat-em-up X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse for the Super Nintendo.

Shouldn't Apocalypse be in the game with his name on it? How pleasurable would a surprise encounter with the Brood on some cheery day be? Who's the treasurer of the Hellfire Club? Why is Gambit so... so cool you guys?

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut! But we did, I guess. Join us as we jump on the bandwagon and do our very first video game review!

Episode 40 - X-Men (2000)

We take on The Strangest Super-Heroes of All (tm) and check out one of the movies responsible for making the cinema comic-friendly, 2000's X-Men.

What do Canadians do for fun that isn't beating people to pulp in a cage? What does this movie have to say of the influence of the home video market on theatrical cinema? Is "naked" a valid character choice?

 To ME my X-Listeners! Oh wait, that sounds like ex- listeners. And we don't want that at all! For we just love you all so very much.